A Story of Healing
It was 2021. The world was just opening after Covid. Masks, cleaning, and cleanliness laws were still in place. The world was still a bit of a strange place.
I was a young mom of two boys at that time. My children were two and just over one year old. I had become the manager of a store, which was my dream! God is so good! I had a house, car, husband, and a blessed, loving family.
Within that year, I had to sell my house, my husband was unfaithful for the last time, the apartment I tried to move into with my two small children was infested and the apartment complex closed it down! No apartments were available within an hour’s drive for three months out. My job was becoming more difficult due to the circumstances I was in. I began to have panic attacks at work, during which I excused myself to the restroom for thirty minutes at a time while I had them.
Where was God?!
Feeling depressed, anxious, not resting, and having a completely unsure future, I cried out to God!
At my parents’ house, there was a picture of a small bluebird, trustingly sitting on a hand. The plaque below it read: “Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.”
As things shattered apart in my life and were completely out of my control, or my scope of imagining, what God was doing! The word of God truly was a lamp to my feet! I had no idea what I was going to do the next day, other than breathe and take five minutes at a time with Jesus.
God knew that I needed him. Desperately!
After tucking in my babies, I fell on my face in my closet, weeping, crying out to God! I did not ask him to take it away, but I did ask him for help—immense help! I poured my heart out to God: my questions, anger, frustrations, disappointments, grief, heart, and soul! He listened patiently, and kindly. He knew what I needed and when I needed it.
One of my staff after work gave me a trunk load of groceries. I was so financially strapped, that I couldn’t afford many groceries for my family. I praised the Lord and had a complete meltdown!
Hope does not always look like what we think it will.
Faith is not standing, firmly smiling, saying it’ll be all right, God‘s got this, and pretending everything is fine.
Moses cried out to God in the Bible when he did not know what to do in front of thousands of Israelites!
Mary, Jesus’ mother, had no idea what God had in store for her, but she still sought the Lord in faith. She knew He knew what He was doing. Mary held all of the words God gave her, through angels and people in her heart, for a lifetime!
The bride’s groom and bride of a wedding at Cana had no idea how they were going to provide drinks for a host of people! But Jesus showed up and provided the unexpected at just the right time!
Lazarus died. I’m sure his family prayed to God that he would not. When Hope had given up and Faith did not understand why God did not answer, Jesus showed up—and raised Lazarus from the dead!
Faith does not have to understand what God is doing. Reading the truth-filled Word of God, these stories, gave me strength. Intentionally being present in the moment instead of worrying about the next day helped me keep my sanity. Laying down my worries every day, from the time my feet hit the floor to the time I lay down my head at night, was a necessity. I had to write them down and lay the white piece of paper with black, inked, worries on the floor. I buried myself in Christian books, worship music, and sought God intentionally every day. I called friends and family to hear about their days in order to get out of my circumstances and hear about someone else’s blessings, needs, and what God was doing in their lives.
Over the last few years, I chased God’s heart, devouring the Word of God, jumping into books on healing, loss, dreams, being a woman of God, singleness, anger, peace, being a mom, and mental health.
I Invited God to change me and make me who I am called to be.
I started going to counseling, which is freeing and rejuvenating.
I made the choice to trust people and be vulnerable in order to form friendships and build a community.
I met with another woman of God regularly to stay grounded and ask for prayer when it’s needed.
It is now the year 2024.
I am a single mom of two young children, and I love it! I am renting a large house with two beautiful, healthy happy children! I have a steady job that I am succeeding at, which is only ten minutes from my home! We are surrounded by supporting family who love us.
God took our story from financial ruin, lost dreams, unanswered prayers, disappointments, completely humiliating circumstances, and mental, emotional, and physical brokenness. We are now healed, joy-filled, financially stable for the first time in ten years, and have a community in a wonderful church! God is bringing opportunities for me to share in order to encourage other women who are in the same position I was!
I did not give up. God helped me hold tightly to my faith. Family and friends supported me through the race, and my children gave me more than good reason to keep going!
God has never given up on me, at my worst and darkest moments.
Faith is about being a broken vessel that God can use and being willing to let him work in your life.
Your faith is not lost, your circumstances will change, and Jesus will walk into the room.
Many hugs to you and I can’t wait to celebrate your victories in Jesus!
Sincerely,
Ray
“Do not be afraid for I am with you, do not be afraid for I am your God, God is with you, he will strengthen you and help you; He will uphold you with his victorious right hand!” (Isaiah 41:10)